From the Deacon's Desk

Yesterday, I had the honor of presiding at Allison and Tyler’s wedding. If interested, this is the homily I delivered:

Before I reflect on the readings Allison and Tyler chose for their wedding, I would like to address all of you – the invited guests. It is important for you to know you have a job to do.  There is more to your presence than just filling seats in the church. You are not simply killing time until the reception where you can eat and drink at someone else’s expense. No one loves a free meal more than me —– but there is more to it. 

As an invited guest, you have an obligation to Allison and Tyler. They will face challenges in their married life. They will experience difficulties as they learn to understand one another more fully, to communicate — and to think and act as one. 

Finances, parenting, home ownership, and careers will require decisions be made – as a team. As much as they love each other, the permanent melding of two into one is not always easy. And you – their family and friends – have a critical role. 

Allison and Tyler made out their guest list carefully. They could have invited anyone. You were chosen to be here because they trust you. They know you will be there for them, to provide them with the ongoing support they will need. 

Your support does not end today — it starts today. By inviting you, they have placed a challenge before you: From a place of love, hold them accountable.

This is a sacramental marriage and you serve as witnesses on behalf of the Church. In a few minutes, they will exchange vows. Listen carefully to what they say – richer, poorer, sickness, health, until death do they part – and hold them to it. 

That’s why you were invited. That’s why you are here. I hope that you are up to the challenge.

Allison and Tyler have built their relationship house on rock, on a solid foundation of the love they have witnessed over the years. Parents, family and friends: You have provided them with the love and support they’ve needed their entire life. Your job is not over. You will need to continue to offer that same support of their married life together.

The good news for all of us is that I believe Allison and Tyler are ready for this. They are confident in what they are about to do, and confident they found the right person with whom to do it.

The readings they chose for this Mass reflect that confidence. Each of the readings offers a simple message – focused and direct.

Paul’s letter to the Corinthians was very direct, in simple terms stating what love IS as well as what love IS NOT. 

Love is patient and kind; it believes, hopes, and endures. 

Love is not jealous, pompous, rude, or selfish. 

Bottom line: Love never fails.

Paul’s letter details the values to be embraced and carried into a marriage and the pitfalls to be avoided.

The reading from Matthew’s gospel – the beatitudes from the Sermon on the Mount – is also simple and direct. 

Allison shared with me that this gospel was meaningful to them because 

“…it offers a message that is both universal and accessible. It reflects values that can speak to everyone present, while still being deeply rooted in our faith.” 

Jesus encouraged his disciples to be meek, merciful, clean of heart, and peaceful – once again, values to be embraced and carried into a marriage.

In preparing to preside at a wedding, I ask couples to respond to some questions in writing. Some of the questions they were to answer together as a couple, and others they were to answer as individuals – without sharing their responses with one another.

To further highlight their preparedness and confidence, I want to share portions of their responses to the questions I asked of them. 

One of the questions I asked them to respond to as a couple was,

What would you tell the people attending your wedding to ensure them that your marriage will be a success?

This is a portion of their shared response: 

We would like to assure the attendees at our wedding that our marriage will be a success because it is built on a base of love, support, and mutual respect. As we’ve grown as a couple we’ve continued to pick one another up when enduring challenges, big and small. 

Our combined individual strengths and weaknesses make for a strong team. We have a love and appreciation for one another that has grown over the years. 

A question I asked them to respond to as individuals was: Why is your partner “the one” for you? 

Here is a portion of Tyler’s response: 

I know that she is the one for me because:

1). We have common values and are passionate about many of the same things. 

2). We continue to show up for one another no matter the circumstances or situation. Our relationship has always come very naturally. Ever since our first date, I knew Allison was someone that I could see a life with based on her character. 

3). Allison has an amazing smile, the prettiest blue eyes and is beautiful, inside and out. 

I’m a lucky guy!

And here is some of Allison’s response to that same question: 

I quickly learned Tyler was more than the handsome, blue-eyed man I noticed from across the bar. He has strong character, works incredibly hard, and deeply values his relationships with his family and friends. He’s inquisitive, adventurous, and joyful. 

We naturally align on both our values and interests. We share the same priorities when it comes to family and the kind of life we hope to build together. 

Tyler brings a sense of calm and steadiness to my anxiousness. He challenges me, supports me, makes me laugh, and makes everyday life meaningful. With him, I feel deeply loved, understood, and at home. He makes me a better person.

They wrote simple messages to and about one another. Like the readings they chose, the messages were direct, focused, and confident.

Before we begin the Rite of Marriage with Allison and Tyler, 

I have one more focused message to share with them.

(I walked over to Allison and Tyler to share the following words)

The reason we celebrate this occasion in a church, and the reason that marriage is a sacrament, is that your union serves as an epiphany – it reveals Christ. With marriage comes the obligation to reveal Christ.

Tyler – each morning you wake up, you will need to make the decision to love Allison. You are obligated to reveal Christ to her by the way you love her – the way you talk to her, treat her, and interact with the world around you.

Allison – each morning you wake up, you will need to make the decision to love Tyler. You are obligated to reveal Christ to him by the way you love him – the way you talk to him, treat him, and interact with the world around you.

Secondly, your marriage must reveal Christ to others. Others will see Christ in how you love one another and in how you, as a couple, interact with them. You put your lamp on a lampstand, where it gives light to all in the house.

Finally, if you are blessed to have children, you will be obligated to reveal Christ to them daily. Through your love and support, they will come to know God.

What I have just shared with you is serious business. A wedding is not a quick “I do” and some dancing; it is the beginning of a marriage. And with that marriage comes the challenging responsibilities I’ve described.

If you are up for the challenge, I invite you forward for the Marriage Rite, when the epiphany will begin.